Also, I really like beer. So I'd need to be able to drink around him not to drunkenness and have alcohol in the house for it to be workable. This is very fair.
I also like beer and alcohol in general , so grabbing a drink at cool bars and breweries is fun for me. I'd want to be able to comfortably do that in some capacity without triggering him. Even better if alcohol was not his drug of choice and he's been in recovery for years, that way maybe we can enjoy an occasional drink together.
Some can be around alcohol and some choose not to be. It depends on the person but expecting someone in recovery to be able to enjoy a beer once in a while is a little far fetched. Maybe, they would have to have been clean for a while, like at least 5 years. I know its not quite the same thing, but my ex husband was an alcoholic and substance abuse is something I don't want to deal with ever again. Especially since I have a small child. Depends on how he'd think about his addiction especially if he'd say he used to be an addict, then bye.
I grew up with alcoholic parents so I'd probably be very quit to give up. Probably not a potential problem I'd want in my life. I already suffer from nightmares where my mum has started drinking after a decade of being sober, and even that is too much for me sometimes.
For me, deal breaker.
Also, I dated a drug addict once and it did not end well, so I have weird anger about drugs and users in my life that again probably would not be good for their recovery process. I did, I dated someone who took MDMA frequently before we got together, like every day in high doses frequently.
It's possible he had permanently damaged his serotonin levels. It's also possible that's how he justified abusing me. I dated a former heroin addict and had no issues. He'd been clean for 6 years and I didn't notice much as far as a negative correlative quality. He was very open and honest about it and we had discussions when it was relevant to the issue.
I'd be wary in general of anyone who was an addict, but everyone is different. Dan was a wonderful guy who had a fucked up time and then grew to want more. I also dated a guy who became an addict right after we broke up I doubt the two are related and I would never trust anything from him. But, he was shitty before the drugs, they just enhanced it. I think that if someone has made mistakes in the past hint, we all have and has learned and grown from it I have no place to judge the weight of it.
We've all made mistakes, some bigger than others.
Thoughts on Living With and Loving a Recovering Addict
But at the end of the day if you learn and grow from the experience, you still deserve a chance! This would be highly dependent on several factors for me. What they were abusing, for how long, how long they've been clean, what their ongoing treatment is, and what their plans are moving forward. It would depend on the addiction. I'm five years sober and almost 8 years off weed. My exhusband did pills. He relapsed and I left him. Drugs are a hard line for me. I've lost most of my family to the disease. Just when I thought they were clean and getting on with their lives, they would relapse and I would lose them again.
I took a chance on my exhusband and it proved me right - addicts are sick and it's hard to change. The only part of addiction that is a choice is the choice to change your every day life so that the risk factors aren't there to tempt you. My choice to stay sober is to work with those who are still battling the disease so that I can remind myself of how I don't want to live my life.
But the temptation, drive and sometimes need for alcohol or weed is there every day. But I thank whoever above for my sobriety and my boyfriend who took a chance on a recovering addict. Congrats on your ongoing recovery and I'm so happy hat you've found someone who can see beyond the stigma. I wish you guys happiness and health: It's a dealbreaker for me.
Five Questions to Ask Yourself
There are many factors as to why, but it's a huge dealbreaker. I have dated people who are addicted to substances both drugs and alcohol and I'm friends with someone who is married to someone with such an addiction. It is an exhausting way to live. I found that even in a quasi-dating situation unofficial FWB type deal , it was difficult to take him out without fear of him making a fool of us both. I could never trust him not to drink and drive, he had a terrible work ethic, and I couldn't imagine actually being married to or having kids with him.
That said, to me, there was literally no point in dating him seriously. Im not going to hold baggage against someone, ultimately It all depends on how they came out the other side; did they heal themselves?
How have they grown? What are their behaviors and friendships like right now? I'm not a stranger to addiction.
What to Ask Before Dating a Recovering Addict - The Recovery Village
I struggled with emotional and binge eating at points in my life. My father and relatives on both sides of the family are alcoholics. What matters is how else they changed other than managing their addiction. My father sobered up but he didn't deal with all his emotional damage initially causing him to drink; he still has many toxic behaviors which aren't healthy to be around. My father's addictions ruined my childhood and left me with a lot of residual pain and suffering. I'd never willingly put myself in a situation like that regardless of how long they had been sober.
Yes, people can change. It's just not baggage that I'd be willing to take on. Seeing as I have a very strict control over my life, I want a partner with a strict control over theirs.
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I realize that anyone can become an addict and stuff, but I'd rather reduce my odds where possible. I suppose it would depend on what their life is like now. Have they found happiness and are in a place to date? Do they have a solid career going or are back on track with school? Do they have interests and hobbies? I would probably say no if the only defining feature of this person was that they no longer did drugs. I guess I don't care that much about the past, just that the past is truly the past, and that this person has a fulfilling present and are ready to share it.
I'd probably not do it again, so I'd file it under "potential dealbreaker". She had been in recovery and treatment at the same time as my mother, so there was a very interesting discussion when I took her home to meet the parents. No, I would not. I do not do any sort of drugs, and never have.
I would not date a former drug user. It's a complete deal breaker. I'm sorry, but illegal drug use terrifies me, and even if the person was recovered for years, I would always worry that they'd slip up and use again. An addict is never truly "former", and I don't want to live my life having to structure everything around recovery and having to babysit my partner for signs of a relapse, where I have to wonder if having so much as pain medication or cough syrup or cooking wine is going to set him off.
Wondering if one day I'm going to find the bank account empty, or all our shit pawned, or having him come home fired one day because he'd been hiding his habit and finally got busted.