As soon as you can strip away some of these high dating standards, you really open up the doors of possibility. The chances of finding that awesome person just got exponentially higher so get out there and start dating in a healthier, more effective way. Or liked me on Facebook? As a guy I agree with you, both men and women do this but women overwhelmingly more tbh. Just to say I like the articles on this site. Your email address will not be published. This blog is based on the Millennialships concept. Why You Deserve a Better Relationship.
More about Lana Otoya. Do I have an unrealistic expectation of the men in the world? What is wrong with having high standards? Are all of the guys that hold doors open and pull chairs out dead? A common misconception is that we expect flawlessness all the time and that is NOT the case. How you let people treat you is a reflection of how you view yourself.
Once, just recently, I forgot about my standards. A guy did everything wrong.
Because I feel bad about myself. I feel like I let myself down. But that a guy looking good naked is just a small part of the equation when it comes to a satisfying sexual experience. During I was thinking, "I'm not really enjoying this. But he's sooooo hot. But I'm kind of bored. I kind of felt like I should be enjoying it because this guy was frankly out of my league, but it just wasn't great. It was just an interesting experience. Like the guy who was also very attractive and great in bed but a bit of a dick out of bed.
It put into perspective that there are so many important aspects of dating that no level of good looks can make up for. Even in the case of a casual fling. In terms of physical traits, I'm not sure I'd call that "standards" so much as "preferences". But I recently had an experience dating someone who was physically outside my preferences and the end result was widening my preferences. She is awesome and I gradually came to see her as sexy.
It changed me enough that her body type is now a thing I'm into. I'm actually thinking of trying to branch out more, for example to taller women. I acknowledge that physical preferences are a combination of societal conditioning and limited experience I was actively religious and got married pretty young. I very much agree with this. Standards of being a basically decent human being stay.
The rest are pretty arbitrary and differ from person to person anyhow. Guys complain that women only want wealthy men. I support myself and my kid just fine, but I'm not rich. I don't plan to share finances and I don't always want to be saying no, can't afford that restaurant this week or that vacation this month. Plus, I'd kind of like it if he understood why the decision to repair or replace my car is a big one.
I'm not a small woman and I would prefer to be with a not-too-small guy, but real attraction comes with coming to appreciate him as a person. Agree completely about there being a huge difference between standards for ethics and behavior and "standards" for physical appearance or traits. The former is about, you know, character and all the stuff that actually makes or breaks a relationship. The last is superficial to the point of shallow. I only ever date people who are attractive and interesting TO ME.
Why You Should Refuse To Lower Your Standards One Hundred Percent Of The Time
More than once I've had friends tell me I was out of a person's league, based on whatever values those friends have that obviously do not match my own. Likewise, I'm certain there have been times when friends thought someone I dated was out of my league, though I don't think they'd ever say that to me.
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There are times when I myself think someone I'm seeing is "out of my league" in terms of physical attractiveness, but if the overall dynamic works, I don't question it, and if it doesn't, I don't hesitate to end things despite the perception that the person is out of my league. The thing is the last time I was single I was 28, 30 years later the pool to pick from is very very sparse.
I prefer to think of it as "broadening your horizons" or "increasing your options". If someone has a list of ten things they really want and they go on hundreds of dates and they aren't getting anywhere, what's wrong with easing up and maybe looking for 7 or 8 things on that list?
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I have given women a chance that I might reflexively rule out at first consideration. But sometimes I'd meet someone like this and find something charming about them in person and attraction grows. It hasn't happened very often with me but it has happened and it has resulted in nice relationships.
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This thread's comments have been sad to read. It sounds like people are regarding that the regular, normal, in-person ways that we as humans develop attraction toward each other i. I think that says more about impatience and instant gratification more than it does realistic chemistry building though.
That said, never lower your standards, but also know your lane. I'm often told I'm very pretty, but even when I come across a guy is very good looking himself on a dating app, if I see that we've hardly anything in common, I don't swipe on him because having common attractiveness levels is not something of substance to create a relationship. Being open to more people instead of forcing yourself to be with people you don't want to be with.
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Well, a high-level job is 'above your station' until you train and gain experience for it. Now, we're not all going to be as talented as "Mr. Ripley", but to a degree I think you can learn the lingo, the standards, the rules and such to fit into a clique that you didn't come to naturally. And there will be people who are looking for a bit of an "outsider" while not wanting to be outside their social group. I think what makes it or breaks it is whether you are attuned to such behaviors to fit it or not.
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If you grew up in the city, but always had feeling for the sea and beach, it may not be such a leap. I know I'm not specifically talking about "lowering", but in the same way, you are deciding to be okay with surroundings and behaviors that are unusual for you. Is that comfortable as a fling, a weekly thrill, an aim to change your lifestyle? You don't know until you try - or walk a mile in those shoes. Does not work for me. Partly because he looks better in person and party because of his personality. Not necessarily just about physical attractiveness but also things like profession, status, ambition, social charisma and lifestyle.
When did "lowering your standards" help you in dating? : datingoverthirty
In terms of getting to a first date, I just go by photos and messaging. I guess I think about it more as trying to find a good fit and compatibility than standards per se. In another comment you clarified it as physical attractiveness, profession, status, ambition, social charisma and lifestyle. I've always had a wide range in those areas of what I'm okay with and I tend to look more at overall compatibility with values, personality, some shared interests, and life goals. Lifestyle does fit into that for me as well to see if it's similar to myself or not.
There does have to be a baseline physical attraction for me, but that's also a wide range and I've found that I'm attracted to a person based on the sum of their parts. Some of the largest 'crushes' I had when I was younger were on guys who weren't stereotypically attractive but they were absolutely hilarious, we had great rapport, and similar outlooks on life. That said, I've never "sucked it up" and tried to date someone for an extended period of time if they didn't do it for me. There's a variety of factors that go into "doing it for me" beyond physical attraction alone, but if some level of compatibility and chemistry is not there within the first few dates then it's unlikely to develop for me down the road.
Assortive mating is a thing: Most couples are similar in objective attractiveness, and couples are happier when they are similar than when one partner is much more attractive than the other.